Insomnia

Dear Diary

Do you ever wonder why the things you hate the most mysteriously show up to haunt you for days in a row? You could go months and be ok but then there it is staring back at you with its bigger than smug life attitude. Keeping you awake at night!

Here’s how it all played out! I ease my tired bones onto the gloriously soft pillow top mattress that gives me this all over warm hug feeling. My head sinks into my very expensive Sleep Country pillow that, by the way, was so worth every penny. Pulling the fluffy soft duvet up to my chin and gazing into the spinning, dusty covered, ceiling fan above me something caught the corner of my eye. To the right, in that crevice where the wall meets the ceiling, a spider. A big, black, ugly spider. 

Ralph, my 6’4″ husband, my knight in shining armour who would do anything to make me happy even rescue me from spiders when he himself hates them, was fast asleep. Sleep comes easy to him. I swear before his head hits his Sleep Country pillow he’s snoring. Which irritates the crap out of me because I’m not as fortune.

Back to the spider! I knew I had to do something I mean one time when I was a child, a spider dangled from the ceiling and into dads mouth as he lay on his back snoring, mouth wide open, welcoming all creepy crawlers. That’s what I envisioned, so the spider hanging out nine feet above me, had to go. 

Not having anything nearby to swat it with I had a great idea, I’d spray it with something. At least that might warrant it motionless until I got the nerve to attack the, what now looked like a, giant beast staring down at me. Without loosing eye contact with it I backed into the master bathroom and grabbed the can of air freshener. Aiming the baby powder scented can in the direction of the enemy, I sprayed, it fell to the floor, covered in goosebumps from head to toe I gasped and let out a quite squeal! Momentarily overpowered by the unwanted fragrant shower the spider quickly stirred. I attacked, bringing the bottom of the air freshener can down hard on it. Thuds, rustles and squeals echoed the room. Ralph is still in a peaceful slumber. Feeling confident I won this war I lifted the can and he scurried. Another squeal escaped my lips as I dropped the can on its side and used my foot to roll over it like a steam roller. Victory was mine! 

Would you believe this happened three nights in a row and thank God they were all different species of spiders because I’d be inclined to think his family were out to seek revenge. Now I have insomnia! The room is dark but I see a shadow. Is it a spider? I rolled over, adjusted my pillow and bolted to a sit up position because I thought I saw something black on it from the corner of my eye. A tingle on my neck had me brushing my hand along the area like I was doing a swift Karate move. Finally sleep rescued me from my misery well for what sleep I got, that is. Right now I’m functioning on three hours and clinging to my coffee mug for a life line. But Ralph is well rested and the room sure smells great! 

Thanks for listening old friend.

 

 

4 comments

    1. Glad you enjoyed it Kathy. I chuckled out loud as I wrote it. It will be an early night tonight for sure.

  1. OMG! Sis, I loved, I remember those days, I wish I could have a fly on your wall, well wouldn’t that have been hilarious. Love you, AWESOME.
    Your a natural writer.

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