Mentally Exhausted

Dear Diary

Thomas Carlyle said “A man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder – waif, nothing, a no man.”

“I’ve been feeling like a ship set sail without a rudder lately. You know me, I get this way when I have a lot on my mind and can’t see the forest for the trees. To make matters worse we are in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic that has left me temporarily unemployed since early April, Easter Monday to be exact. 

Then my book published March 13, 2020, one week into the pandemic lockdown forcing me to cancel my book launch as well as any opportunities for promotional events. I have 400 paperback books sitting in my dining room, book marks, media kits, business cards, a 6.5 foot pop up banner, two Square devices (POS gadgets) and an accounting program to keep all my affairs in order for when the tax man has his hand in my pocket. So ya, a little pissed about that turn of events.

So I switch gears and as outlined in my marketing plan, turn my focus to social media. No problem right? Wrong….social media will be the death of me. My publisher advised that I connect with as many book bloggers as possible, create a separate Facebook page for the book, tap into Instagram, Goodreads and Twitter (I will never Tweet). That has me monitoring and updating 4 social media platforms and a website. Oh and don’t get me started on hashtags! 

The more friends and followers I add to these platforms has now increased the requests I receive from entrepreneurs selling their services and products such as Tupperware, handbags, jewelry, clothing, real estate, makeup, counselling, life coaching, art, books, teas….you get the picture!

Instagram is the place to be for promoting your business but did you know it’s also a popular internet dating site?  I had, aka deleted, over 300 single men following me (said as she bats her eyelashes) who flaunted pictures of themselves shirtless, in doctor scrubs or wearing a uniform. They love life, music, children as well as God and want to “get to know you.” Let’s not talk about the guy who asked me for $700 or the guy who sent me a picture of a nude ‘ladies’ ass in a position that left me wondering how she got in that configuration in the first place. Her stiletto’s were pretty though!

While I promote my book to influencers, book bloggers, celebrities, media as well as family and friends the dust and clutter around my home joyfully sits and waits for attention. I’ve become that unemployed writer who is stealing a glance at her reflection in the computer screen, pausing to admire the bedhead un-showered, pajama wearing stranger staring back at her. After three months in lockdown I gave in and attempted to cut my own hair. The mullet is back in style, right? 

This lockdown has set me adrift without a rudder. I worry about employment, finances and what the future will look like. I miss normal, I miss feeling safe, I miss the things that make me feel pretty; a hair cut, hair colour and a mani/pedi. I miss sitting at a restaurant patio on a summer evening enjoying a glass of wine with my husband as the warm breeze dances with the mouth watering aroma’s swirling around us. But most of all I really miss making memories with my family.

Yes, I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I know there are people in worse situations than me but once in awhile the fall out from this pandemic, the isolation, gets the better of me. It’s mentally exhausting! 

Thanks for listening old friend.

Oh and one more thing…I did shower today! 


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